Friday, 23 June 2017

One Year.

I made it. I survived a solid year of being with another human and oh boy, has it been a journey and in all honesty I can say it has been my best year to date. As this has also been my third and final year of my undergraduate degree, it was combined with my stress and absolute chaos of a mind but I think we did pretty damn good despite the endless tears about this damn degree.

Having met at an arts festival job where we had the same duties but on different days, we were destined to communicate somehow whether we liked it or not. Apparently I certainly did not want to due to me vowing to myself I would not make friends at this job (for some odd reason) but hey ho, you say these things and the exact opposite happens. We got chatting and one date led to another and another and now we comfortably stay in bed all day eating oreo marshmallow things and brownies, never ever judging each other. But how did we get here?

For as long as I have been in the "seeing people" scene, I have been well and truly fucked. Nothing that would last more than a few months and never anything official because apparently this society cannot deal with actual romance. So when I had my two incidents at university, I wanted to give it a break and just not think about men or their kind for a while and it worked. Being comfortably single has been one of my most rewarding achievements and I did not hate it one bit. Sure, there were times when couples would annoy me and I would call out all the dickheads that roamed the earth in frustration of how it is not destined to be my calling but I never hated being alone, I only missed the companionship that seeing people offered. From then on I deleted the likes of Tinder and moved on, going on self dates, hanging out with friends and having fun. I will admit, it was not all great, there was the occasional smidgens of heartbreak and what ifs but I guess that is a part of life. From the amazing advice of my mother, I practiced the art of waiting for the one and thinking how he will come when I least expect it and lo and behold, there he was and there he is now existing always in my life. Just after a year of getting to grips with loving myself, I fell in love with this guy.

This guy, being Simon, is my first "official" boyfriend and it feels amazing and also scary because anything new scares the crap out of me. Being one skeptical girlfriend at the very start of our relationship was tough but I have overcome that initial feeling of is this real? Does this guy actually like me or is it all a sham? (thank you to the lads who have conditioned me to extreme paranoia). I have come to realise, even if it is this late, that he does love me and it feels so good I cannot even try and explain it. Also loving someone just as much as they love you is extremely rewarding because you actually get to shower them with affection and everything you think they deserve and seeing them this happy is what makes everything fantastic. And now after this year passes of having to travel to see each other, we won't have to because we are living together next year (maybe a post about this soon? who knows?) and I cannot wait to be with the one I love everyday because this year has been a hard one, in terms of seeing each other.

For this one year celebration, I wanted to record how much this has changed me and my life for what is hopefully the better (i'm sure it is but just want to make sure). For so long I have fallen for the wrong people, and of course they are valid and I will never deny them, but what I have now is true and I know it because it surprises me everytime. He surprised me because I did not know love like this exists and I cannot wait for more years of this and learning more and more about this phenomena. Sadly we cannot celebrate together this year because of our jobs and just timing but hopefully we will reunite soon and celebrate well. Anyway, on to another year of new adventures and milestones with the love of my life by my side.

Happy One Year Bee <3

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