Monday, 28 July 2014

Fear and Future

The title of this post basically sums up my post exam frustration and bipolar attitude to life. It has been 2 weeks since my final exam (Drama and Theatre Studies) but I can't stop thinking about getting into university. I want cry, I want to laugh and I want to shoot myself in the foot because I don't have a clue how well (or god forbid - shit) I did this year.
Last year was bloody terrible, I am counting my lucky nuggets that I was still allowed in school (praise Media Studies and praise my Media teacher being the head of sixth form). Anyway Media Studies was a godsend to me as I got a decent B, yay. What was completly and utterly terrible was English Literature and Drama and Theatre Studies which were both E's. How and why, I don't know. I guess I am only good at one subject and not even excellent in it, just good. These results put a lot of pressure on me for the following year as I decided to do Media, add on Polish A2 as I already had the AS, do both English AS and A2 and carry on with Drama even if it meant I was going to get a crappy grade. Also I did do an EPQ which was marked as an A but it came back as a U so I don't know to this day what the hell happened.
So essentially I was studying 5 subjects (although I didn't really count Polish as it is my 2nd language, but it did require a lot of work). I was doing well for once in all of them. Suddenly around April I got told that I was going to be dropped off both English subjects and I panicked. Ok, I didn't do well in many essays or any of the mocks but all I was thinking about was getting into university and I knew my drama grade wasn't going to get me there. However somehow my head of sixth form convinced my teachers, parents and everyone I couldn't do it so I left English and had 2 lessons to worry about.
I was okay with having this after a while as I had 3 exams and finished quite early but I still felt like a failure.

Currently I am writing a script about the feeling I had during this time which may relate to a lot of people so stay tuned for that. Probably a part 2 will come out of this as it is a huge topic. I've gotten a lot of inspiration from this depressing topic but hey ho..

Over and out,

The Girl From Another Planet