On turning 20

On the 25th March, I, Anne-Marie Dames, turned 20. I have been alive for 20 years and it scares the crap out of me daily. I am now fully responsible for what I am doing and it is a reminder that I am one year away from graduating and oh my god what am I going to do?
Despite my daily existential crisis, I had fun on my birthday. I usually get super duper excited to celebrate my own birthday because I want people to have fun and enjoy themselves in my company. This year I had a lot more company than I expected and it was lovely. I can't express how grateful I was for all the people who came and just hung out with me on this day. However, with every birthday comes the awkward singing and cake bit which happened in my house fortunately and it's the only part of the day I do not enjoy as much.
There is something about birthdays that makes me extremely happy and content with life despite maybe not being all that ok with it. It is a day that celebrates my life and I am happy with it, even with its little bumps and bad times. I am getting older and I am starting to feel it and I have a whole world of experiences to touch. It's terrifying but so nice to know that I still have a life ahead of me and things will be changing over the next couple of months and years and so on. Things will get better and it's ok that I will change. Everyone does.
As the years go on I have realised that my love for birthdays never changes and that my philosophical and nostalgic thoughts become more prominent. I do try. Anyway, before I ramble forever about how emotional I am about 1-uping my age, here is 20-year old me with no make-up and a bed head. Also embedded below is a playlist of music that has made me who I am today. All the music in it has been stuck in my head at some point or I listened to it for really long periods of time because that's what teenagers do (let's all pretend I sounded like Moriarty).

I will be updating this playlist as soon as I remind myself what songs I am nostalgic over. As far as regular posts go, I will be releasing a post every Friday from now on alternating between feelings, films and random topics.

Thank you for reading my thoughts but for now over and out, 

The End of 2015

It is the end of an era. The end of a 365 day stretch of memories and things worth remembering for a lifetime. In 2015, there sure is a lot to admire and cherish and also some to forget and forgive. This year for me was definitely a learning curve in which I learnt a lot about myself and the people I hold closest to my heart. I found true friends and lost what used to matter to me in 2014. That is completely fine and part of life and was definitely a good thing.
However, there were many firsts for me throughout the year. My first convention, first visits to some cities and first serious like. It was a great year (well..) but I know that next year will prove to be harder and better because becoming one year older always brings a challenge. I am grateful for everything that happened this year and to commemorate this whirlwind of a year I have made a little video with clips from the January to December.

Here it is:

On to 2016, I have many plans for this year and I find it appropriate to discuss these just after the video because why not? Firstly, I want to make more videos because looking back at these videos was pretty fun and made me extremely happy. Secondly, I shall focus on my career and what I want to do. But most of all I don't want to force a change, I want to naturally be happy with what I am doing and everything that I am (woah deep). This is my ultimate goal. I have exciting plans and I want to achieve so much more than I have this year but I will never forget what 2015 has given to me. 

But for now; Farewell to the old and roll on to the new!

Over and out, 

Woah, who knew. I made it the future, didn't expect that as I am casually having existential crisis after existential crisis at this very moment in time. Also I'm 19. Just thought that would interest you, you can laugh at me now. I think I sound fancy now, what about you? Do you like blogging in a fancy way. If you don't blog then maybe do you just try to write fancy? I write the word fancy a lot.

Anyway, hope all is good now. Maybe you successfully finished University, had your year abroad and had struggles on the way but you made it to the future. I want you to read this when you are 30 and hopefully you are happy now. Right now, I am struggling two weeks before the first and last exams of my university life start whilst listening to All I Want by Kodaline. Last night was the first time you slept happy in quite a while. 2 and a half months, to be precise. Getting over people isn't easy for me and you, I hope it's getting better over time and you have become strong. But I really don't want many more of these shit feelings, please?

I hope you are friends with the people you are friends with 10 years in the past. The usual bestie's, soul mates (aka wife) and the life long university people you have met. I won't name names but you know who they are. I don't want you to forget these people, they made you who you are now and have been there through your struggles and you should be there for theirs. Go thank them now! Well if it's 1am or something don't but you know, do it in the morning. Hang out with them or just remember them with fond memories of school, sixth form and all the times you hung out. Be a bit nostalgic today, you are literally the age your sister is now in my current moment in time. It's weird. Eww.

Who actually got married first? Any children in the friendship group? Remember when people thought you were going to get married first out of the group? Is that true or are you still waiting for Prince Charming or Benedict Cumberbatch's baby (hopefully male)? What did you even name your children? I hope it's still the original choices like Hamish, Noah, Alison and Elisa. Yesterday you told your housemates that you want to be sorted by 30. Job, man, house and children on your mind. Who knows? Maybe you fucked up but that is alright, you are still pretty awesome for surviving. Get your life on track if none of your goals have been realised. Say hi to your husband or boyfriend from past me, literally can't imagine being with someone. And if you don't have anyone to say hi to, don't rush to find love, if true love hasn't come yet then its not the right time. Be patient. You always have, remember waiting 2 years for the guy you liked to give you an answer? (Still hasn't, has he?) And also 2 good long years for Sherlock? Good, now practice that some more. Also has Season 5 come out? I am still waiting for 4. Darn.

How is Mum? Have you spoken to her or have you yet to move out of the house? Magda? Has she settled down and had children, if she hasn't slap her and say sorry. Honestly, I'm waiting now for her to get married already, she is stable in the career section of life and also relationship wise she is perfect so she needs to hurry the hell up. Spend some time with them if you haven't. Also speak to Padre, see whats happening.

Finally, I really hope you are doing film as a job. Seriously, if nothing else has worked out I hope this has. You've worked for this and struggled on the inside as to whether this was a good choice so I hope to high heavens you are happy with what you are doing and that is film. Maybe you've made something and maybe you've won an award, big or small, I am still proud because I think I can say I am struggling with my life decisions right now, so I hope you prove me wrong. Please prove me wrong, otherwise all this was a waste. But I'm sure you are awesome enough to be smart about this. Do what you love and do it well. Also I hope you've met Benedict or seen him. Please you must have, it's been 16 years of loving him. Say hi from past me, don't cry and be calm.

Super final note, stay weird! You are unique soul and I hope you know that. #Yolo. I joke, but really have fun with your future life and love yourself as much as I love the idea of you.

Here is your past face, 19 and no make-up (as always). Write a blog post even if your blog isn't active  and compare our faces, thanks. I hope I have minimal acne scaring and sorted eyebrows (shh positivity).

Over and out from your awkwardly past self,

Christmas feelings

It has dawned on me that Christmas is nearly upon us. The many youtubers sharing their festive favourites, christmas tags and vlogmas' has got me thinking about how the Christmas spirit is dieing. People are trying so hard to remember what it was like to wake up on Christmas out of pure excitement and find presents under the tree and the smell of Turkey in the morning before the Christmas dinner. Unfortunately that dies after a while and you get on with your life. I'm 17 and to be honest, it is slowly fading. I haven't had normal packed presents under the tree in two years because I've had many things given to me before Christmas or things I've told my mum that it counts as a Christmas gift.
Last year I spent Christmas in Poland and it was pretty special with the snow and festivities (mulled wine hehe). Then spending New Years in Zakopane (google it), one of the most special New Years experiences where I climbed up to the top of Gubalowka (again, google) to see the fireworks from above from the whole city. But even after that, I felt somewhat sad that the year has ended and it didn't even feel great. Remembering how fun it was to stay up late all the time just to watch the 1st January come at 12:00am but now its normal because I stay up that late on a daily basis and it doesn't bother me that a new day is dawning.
We try and bring all that back with scented candles, hot chocolate, christmas jumpers and Michael Buble on repeat (me right now) but as much as we try, we are getting older.

However what should stop you from enjoying making it as festive as possible. Put the kettle on, make a hot chocolate, blast that WHAM! tune and stay cosy for the season and eat as much of that turkey and cranberry as possible. We only get this once a year and why shouldn't we anyway. Mistletoe is an excuse for a cheeky kiss from your crush and an opportunity to play Secret Santa and make someone really happy by giving. This season is full of year long benefits and fun. ENJOYYYY!!!

Possible Videos: The Christmas Tag, Post Doctor Who video and Sherlock countdown and anything that pops in my head.

Love, Anne-Marie x